HELLOOOO I AM PISS ASS DRUNK COOOOOOL
I’ve found that I desperately need to keep my brain occupied. The moment I lack some sort of vision or task, I instantly sink into sadness. The problem is that I lack motivation. I don’t want anything to do. I’d rather spend my days curled up on my heated bed with the windows wide open. It’s a relief to feel two such different temperatures at the same time. It feels nice… reminds me what it’s like to lay next to another person. I miss the warmth of skin on skin.
I’d like to see a psychiatrist, but I highly doubt I could ever get up the nerve to do it. And if I did, I think I’d have a hard time opening up. But maybe, just maybe, I could. And it would help.
I’d like to move far away. To the UK. To start over. To immerse myself in a culture I truly enjoy. This will definitely never happen. But I wish like hell it could.
I finished a book today. The Life of Pi. It was quite moving. People say it can restore your faith in God. Doubt it. Reason is the driving force of the universe, not divine power.
I can’t explain the source of my sadness anymore. Not really, anyway. Sometimes I contribute it to being lonesome, but the feeling is too vague and overpowering to be just from that. I find myself feeling sad at the strangest of times. 10:41 PM Monday evening. TV is on. Hardly listening to an episode of Degrassi that I hardly listened to when it played previously at 9. Ceiling fan is creating shadows. Grandfather clock pendulum continually catches my eye. Puppy is fast asleep on the hardwood floor. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t get that heart-warming, adorable, and vastly annoying little dog. he offers me so much distraction to the feeling.
Done for now.
my boyfriend of two years broke up with me.
…I know I won’t get the points for this entry, but it’s all I can write.
(via simplemoments)
